


Sundown (In the Darkness)

by bakers_impala221



Series: Codas [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Basically, Breaking The Silence, Cas and Dean talk, Cas' Deal with the Empty, Confessions, Destiel - Freeform, Happy Ending, Honesty, Love Confessions, M/M, Sadness, Watching the Sunset, it's complicated though, resolved tension, things are resolved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakers_impala221/pseuds/bakers_impala221
Summary: "And when you finally give yourself permission to be happy. And let the sun shine on your face... That's when I'll come. That's when I'll come to drag you to nothing."Dean drives Cas out to the middle of nowhere to talk.What Cas has to say isn't what Dean was expecting.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Codas [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756792
Comments: 20
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's a sort-of prequel to this that makes sense as a storyline, in a way, but not fully: [Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945914). They're two separate parts of the show, but they sort of make sense together (just in case you're interested.)  
> If not, I hope you just enjoy this one.

With the silent car ride, Dean let the engine’s purr calm his nerves.

Cas sat quietly beside him, appreciating the view of the setting sun from the front seat. Dean could see the anticipation in his tensed shoulders. But he didn’t say anything.

He didn’t know what exactly he’d been looking for, but when he came across an old, rundown barn by the wayside fence, he pulled up, letting Baby’s wheels slide to a halt.

Cas finally looked over at him, expectant and open. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean could see the worry lines etched onto his face.

In reality, Cas’ vessel hadn’t an aged a day since he’d met him, but the humanly expressions and mannerisms that Cas had picked up over the years had chiselled out the stoicism and left his face as human as an angel has ever been.

Dean could feel his heart flutter in his chest.

He got out of the car suddenly, ducking his head as he made his way silently over to the bonnet. His eyes glazed over as he heard Cas do the same; felt the dip in the metal as he leaned back against the car beside him and waited.

After a long while, Dean cleared his throat unceremoniously.

‘I know I haven’t been the best person,’ he said, voice wavering slightly in uncertainty. ‘Over the years. You know… But sometimes it’s just hard for me to-’

Dean ducked his head, feeling exposed. ‘I just want you to know that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.’

Dean looked down at the grass, scuffed his boot in the dirt. He could feel the eyes trained on him, watching his slow, heavy movements and scattered breath. He prayed silently for courage, but he couldn’t look back up into his eyes.

‘I-I don’t know how you feel about it…’ he continued, voice quiet and muffled. ‘But you said it once… i-in that barn when you were dying, and I…’

He looked up, finally meeting the other man’s gaze. He could feel his eyes watering; hear his voice, thick with emotion.

‘I-I need to know that you meant it. That I didn’t misunderstand, and that I’m not…’

He let his voice trail off; let unspoken words hang in the air like leaden dew drops.

Cas didn’t speak; just turned silently back to watch the setting sun dip slowly behind the horizon.

Dean waited in silence, his shoulders feeling heavier and heavier with the passing minutes.

The day faded slowly, and darkness began to creep in. And Dean’s chest felt perforated; open and vulnerable.


	2. Chapter 2

‘I can’t say it, Dean,’ Cas said suddenly, once the sky had become a blanket of dark blue and they were cloaked under the heavy fog of night.

The deep, gravelly sound felt stark against the silence they’d settled into (save the breathing sigh of wind brushing through the leaves of the few lone trees around them, waving them like windchimes or quiet bells.) Dean’s breath gained pace again, and the clawed fingers that had wrapped around his lungs tightened their fists.

‘Why not?’ he asked, voice gruff and verging on angry.

Cas looked down in front of his feet. Dean wondered if he could see the blades of grass through his angelic sight, all razor-sharp and focused. All Dean could see was the murkiness of ground, unclear and shrouded. Dean felt irritation climb its way up his chest. Cas even had the gall to look ashamed.

‘I…’ he started, trailing off and reconsidering. Dean could see the subtle changes of expression in his humanly face as Cas weighed each of his words, carefully considering each of them. The moonlight cast deep shadows into its contours, and feeling breath-taken, Dean forgot for a moment to be either angry or concerned.

Cas turned to him; his face pained with longing.

‘Look, whatever it is-’ Dean started.

‘ _I made a deal!_ ’ Cas blurted, looking shameful and scared; wide-eyed and staring at Dean as though awaiting a thunderstorm, or watching a lion step foot out of its cage.

The words took a moment to settle in Dean’s mind, first floating aimlessly through the air and then drifting slowly to the ground like snowflakes after a storm. He was struck mute for a second, mouth gaping in confusion as he scrambled for words, trying to figure out what it meant-

Then the electricity built up, raging through him.

‘You _what!?’_ he yelled, furious, and shaking with anger.

Cas seemed smaller—shameful and broken under his fiery gaze.

‘I made a deal, Dean,’ he said again, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but _right there_.

For a split second, it occurred to Dean how strange it was. How one of the most powerful creatures in their creation stood cowering under Dean’s gaze as he shook like an overrun motor, full of anger and power and wrath.

Then the sensation was gone, and he was livid, raging like a coal-fuelled fire.

‘I told you, Cas, no more secret Deals!’ he yelled. ‘You can’t keep getting yourself caught up like this. Like- like… like you don’t even _matter_ … How could you think you don’t matter, man!?’

He hung his head back. ‘What’d you…’ He stared up at the endlessness of stars and an eternity of nothing, gathering the strength to wash away his rage.

‘What’d you do?’ he asked, voice quieter.

Cas shifted nervously. ‘I did it to save Jack, Dean. He was _dead_ , and it was my duty to- to look after him, and I _failed_.’

He seemed to gather strength. Indignation.

‘And you and Sam were busy making a woman _I_ let down bring back the boy _I_ failed to protect, and… the Empty was there; it was consuming Heaven because it wanted Jack—wanted to take him to a place where I could never get him, and I-I had to do _something_ , Dean. I couldn’t just let him go.’

Dean stayed silent for a moment. Thoughtful.

After a moment, he sighed; ran his hands over his face.

All of a sudden, he huffed, looking down at the grass with a cynical smile.

Shaking his head, he laughed humourlessly. ‘What is it about us, Winchesters, man? Why can’t a single one of us have the guts to stay alive?’

Cas didn’t say anything. He seemed pensive.

‘You think…’ he began, seeming unsure. ‘You think of me as a Winchester?’

Dean actually laughed in surprise, taken aback.

‘Yeah, man,’ he said conversationally. ‘I mean, look at you. You got the looks, the bravery, the blind stupidity... You got the whole Winchester package.’ He grinned.

Cas smiled, abashed, eyes lidded under Dean’s steady gaze.

Then his smile was gone.

‘What I did, Dean…’ he said slowly. ‘I did because I thought it was the _right_ thing… I… I didn’t mean for anyone -for _you_ \- to get hurt, I just thought…’ He sighed, annoyed. ‘I thought I could make it right. I wasn’t meant to be here anymore. I’m still _not._ Jack brought me back from that. I suppose I just thought I was setting things right again; putting the universe back into place.’

 _I can’t live without you_ , Dean wanted to say. But he didn’t. Instead:

‘I get it, man. I do. I just…’ he shook his head mournfully. ‘How long have you got left?’

Cas shifted uncomfortably next to him.

‘Until I’m happy,’ he said finally.

Dean’s head snapped up, surprised. ‘What?’ he said. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Until I’m happy,’ Cas repeated, louder. ‘Until I let myself be happy.’

He looked over to the horizon, where the sunset had died only half an hour earlier. He seemed mournful. Or reminiscent. Dean couldn’t quite figure out which.

 _Right…_ Dean thought, confused.

‘So, uh…’ he began awkwardly. ‘What… what is it, then?’ he gestured awkwardly to the air around them, not keen to complete the question.

Cas smiled, small and happy, and slightly amused.

‘Oh, Dean,’ he said. ‘What do you think?’

Cas tore his eyes from the skyline; let his gaze land on Dean imploringly.

Dean looked between them, eyes tracking the soft creases at the corner of the angelic-human eyes. He scanned the soft and open gaze, gentle and honest-

His mouth formed a silent ‘o’.

Cas smiled again. Soft and delicate, as though deeply and reverently in-

‘It’s only you, Dean,’ he said quietly. His voice nothing but a soft, worshipping whisper.

‘It’s always been you.’


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had Cas’ face framed by his palms, ignoring the tears on his face as he spoke between kisses.

‘I promise- you- we’ll- _fix it_ \- Cas. I- promise- I won’t…’ He pulled back an inch, wanting nothing more than to close the distance between them again. But he refrained, just like he’d done for so long. Suddenly, Dean didn’t understand how he’d made it this far without breaking.

‘I won’t let it come for you, Cas. We’ll find a way to keep you safe.’

Cas pulled him back in almost compulsively. He worshipped his lips, finding solace in their warmth.

When they finally did pull apart, Cas stared adoringly at Dean, and it felt altogether different, yet altogether the same. Dean smiled, wondering how he could have missed it all this time.

‘Dean?’ Cas asked, looking sheepish, but dazed with wonder.

‘Yeah, Cas?’ Dean returned, voice deep and hoarse.

‘Could we just spend tonight together?’ he asked. Dean felt a jolt run through his abdomen.

‘Tomorrow,’ he continued, ‘we can worry about the rest, but…’ Cas stopped for a moment, then sighed, almost wistfully. ‘I just want to be with you for tonight. And then when the sun rises, we part again and work our way through this mess of everything…’

He stopped for a moment. Thoughtful.

Then, apparently arriving on words, he looked back up sharply.

‘I can’t be happy with you, Dean. Not yet. But I just want to pretend for the night… Pretend that I don’t have to die to be with you.’

Dean kissed him again. Slow, and reverent. And Cas reigned in the happiness; made sure to sink slightly further into the darkness before he could fall completely.

‘We’ll figure this out,’ he said, voice gruff and desperate, and _honest._

He kissed him again, saying everything else:

 _I love you,_ it said.

And as Cas pulled back to stare at him, eyes glittering in the moonlight.

 _I know_ , Dean could hear him say back.


End file.
